Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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