This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
