yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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