i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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