it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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