He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
