Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
