ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
