The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
