i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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