At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
