Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
