tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
