their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
