She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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