you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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