Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I am naked and annoyed.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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