I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i out mim tonsoeep
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
