Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
