I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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