FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
