Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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