i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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