Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
