I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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