Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
