his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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