I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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