Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
