need another drink. this is the easiest way
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I won the penis lottery.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
