So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
