this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
