Whod you bang
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
