Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
