never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
