I cannot find my penis.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
