I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
