we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
