walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
