Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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