can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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