if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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