Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
