Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
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Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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