Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
