It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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