oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
