Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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