we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Sober January is a disaster.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
