i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize