You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
