I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
