haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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