mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
