he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
