running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
