What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
