Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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