he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
