If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ketchup is God's man juice
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
