so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
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Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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