I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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