ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
