She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize