I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
