Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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