i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
